I got married at the age of 24, 18 years back. My husband was very loving and affectionate at first, I thought my self really lucky that I had his heart-I never had self-esteem my entire life, so I focused all my wants and needs on him. Some 7 years after my marriage, I suffered a mental break-down,initially brought upon by post- natal-depression. One night, I ended up arguing with my husband over something trivial about where exactly to place my new- born son: in the cot or on the bed- would you believe it!!when, suddenly, he pushed me so hard, I fell on the floor, he kept on hitting me, I kept on screaming, while, my then 5 year old daughter became a witness of this episode- till now, she remembers "the first time Papa hit you" vividly.It breaks my heart that she and my son have witnessed countless scenes of abuse between me and my husband! After that first incidence,he took to abusing me regularly;I have been punched, slapped, got beaten with poles, kicked-I can't go on any more to describe the violence- one day, something in me snapped and I started hitting him back. Of course, the beatings got terrible from then on wards,but I had learnt a new strategy, to ignore him totally, when ever he shouted at me, I immediately left the room, I started humming my favorite song when ever he tried to argue with me. This strategy worked- here I am,safe, but of course, I have to keep up my patience, one thing is for certain;I will leave him the minute he hits me-.As you are aware,I have mentioned in my older post that I am a Survivor of Border-Line Personality Disorder, my husband has stated that he will use this illness to make sure that I never get custody of my 3 young children, I checked with a lawyer, he said it was possible that the court would grant him custody of our kids, my husband is a wealthy and powerful man, so I chose to keep quiet about our troubled marriage. Ever since I started blogging, my faith in God has increased tremendously, I have gained immense courage, so now, I do not care whether I stay married or not, for I may be rendered poor and homeless, but I will and do have, the power to share my words with the world, this fight is in the end, worth every thing, the love and respect which I have gained from you all is more than any thing I had ever wished for. God works in mysterious ways:I yearned for one person to respect me:he abused me at every turn, now I have the respect of :you all beautiful human beings!! God bless you all, you are the shining light in my life!!
