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Wednesday, 26 December 2012

MY ONE ACT OF FORGIVENESS CHANGED MY LIFE!


As you all know, my relationship with Saad has not been great.For 18 years, I tried my best to change him-without success! He deserted me when I needed him the most, I used to hold him responsible for this fact, kept on fuming inwardly,so much that my health suffered.One day, I forgave him- just like that! I prayed to God that "God whatever destiny You have written for me, whatever I will achieve in this world, give it to him and give me all his pain and sorrows-I am strong-I can take it! "The selfish part of me whispered"Tazein! What are you doing! Signing away your Destiny to him"? I did it anyway! Today, I am proud to state that God did not alter my destiny in any way-I know where is God taking me-I will live to see the day my book gets published-I know it in my heart-He is holding me, I try to rack my brain at times, thinking what did I ever do that He keeps on blessing me so much.I just want to inspire you all- this is my motive!,God bless you for your tremendous love and support, may God grant you love, peace and happiness! I love you as you are- beautiful human beings, it is my pleasure to know you!
                                                                                  TAZEIN
                                                                                  27.12.2012.  

Sunday, 23 December 2012

DREAM LIFE!-MY PRAYER FOR YOU!


Wear your heart on your sleeve, even if just for a day!
Be keen, adventurous, with an expectant gaze,
Form, create, devise your own Destiny,
Make your own rules, push through your limitations,
Your fears reside only in your head,
Live life fearlessly, let go of peoples' expectations,
See the world with a child like wonder,constantly discover!
Keep the flame burning in your heart,
Be so good at whatever you do,
The World cannot help but notice you!
                                                                              TAZEIN
                                                                             24.12.2012.

Saturday, 22 December 2012

RAMBLINGS OF MY MIND


Sadness, pain, torment, anguish,
Bliss, contentment, happiness,
Rising and falling, ascending and descending,
Reaching higher, falling down,
Crawling sometimes on the ground,
This is the diary of my emotions,
Rapid Highs and Lows,
Fighting, striving, continuing,
Never giving up,forever shining!
                                                                                    TAZEIN
                                                                                  20.12.2012.   

Saturday, 15 December 2012

HUMANITY

        
Your face is a mask,you wear a disguise,
Yet, I can see through your eyes,
Your story is untold, hidden, beneath layers of self-defense,
You are hurting, scared of which that is not known,
Your spirit is full of sadness,
Your smile tells a thousand tales,
Beneath your facade, you scream and wail,
Do not be afraid, I love you unconditionally,
For the beautiful human being you are,
You reside in my heart, never too far,
May all your sorrows be laid to rest,
I pray that you pass life's Ultimate Test!
                                                                          TAZEIN
                                                                           16.12.2012.    

IN MEMORIAM TO THE YOUNG LIVES LOST IN THE CONNECTICUT SHOOTINGS


So many lives yet to live,
Yet to grow up, to experience  life,
Alas! Tragedy struck, young lives snuffed out,
Everything fell apart, humanity broke down,
The parents, the siblings left with scars in their hearts,
Untold suffering, pain everywhere, joy departs,
My heart bleeds , I too am a mother,
The loss of a child is heart breaking,
A child can never be replaced by any other,
May God grant strength to the grieving families,
A long process of healing awaits them,
How can one forget one's own child?
Their plight is heart rendering,
The little angels live on in memories, untarnished and alive!
                                                                              TAZEIN
                                                                              15.12.2012.

Tuesday, 11 December 2012

TRUE BLISS

  
Something inside me has changed forever,
I can never go back to the person I was before,
I have been awakened from a deep slumber,
The love of God just keeps me humble,
Rays of sunshine penetrate my heart,
I have never felt this much peace,
Happiness cannot be defined in a word,
It is eternal, everlasting in my world.

                                                                                       TAZEIN
                                                                                         12.12.2012.

Sunday, 9 December 2012

FAITH-1

        
Faith comes knocking at my door,
I let it in, breathe the light within,
Countless times I have contemplated suicide,
Yet God stopped me from taking my own life,
Whenever I break down, the dark tunnel seems to forever go on,
No light guides me, I keep fumbling around,
Still, I stop for a minute and reflect,
The reality is God loves me and protects!
                                                                                    TAZEIN
                                                                                   10.11.2012.

Tuesday, 4 December 2012

MY JOURNEY

                     
Once upon a time, in a far off distant land,
I was young and alive, full of promise, life stretched by,
Sadly, dark clouds hovered on my Horizon,
Stayed for a long time, my inner light flickered, then went out completely,
Surrounded by darkness, I felt the way around, scared of dying, afraid of the unknown,
After what seemed like an eternity, I caught a glimpse of light,
Suddenly,it flooded my entire being, it was so bright!
Now, I realize God had closed a door,
I was trapped within, stumbling, not knowing where to go,
God opened a window, the radiance of the sun poured in,
 I was aglow!
                                                                               TAZEIN
                                                                            27.11.2012.

Saturday, 1 December 2012

WHISPERS IN THE NIGHT


Whispers in the night keeps  me awake,
I stare at the star studded Universe,
My inner pain goes away,
Twinkling, breathtaking majesty everywhere,
Infinite boundaries, no worries, no cares.
I am at one with God,
He dwells in the deepest recesses of my soul,
Constant, never ending faith,I do not give up,
Though I have a lot of hurdles to overtake.
                                                                             TAZEIN
                                                                               10.11.2012.

Wednesday, 28 November 2012

BOTTOMLESS PIT


Like a bottomless pit,
My eyes as empty as my soul,
The mirror cracks disappear beneath a veneer,
Of lust, greed and ecstasy,
Short lived my limited life,
Hoping, praying for a miracle to emerge,
Under a dark, deep ocean, I am submerged,
No light to guide, left all alone,
To face challenges, beyond my scope,
The clock ticking,I pray for death to enfold me in it's arms,
Will I finally be at peace, resting forever,
At One with God, serene and calm?
                                                                                 TAZEIN
                                                                                 17.4.2011.

Friday, 23 November 2012

A CONTINUOUS MAZE


Surrounded by an incredible maze,
Complicated, forever trying to find my way out,
Unexpected twists and turns at every step,
Will I ever reach my destination, finally ending up at the junction called "Home"?
I am a fighter, I stand alone,
Forever searching for my personal Rainbow,
Visible on the Horizon, though remains unseen, I still march on!
                                                                            TAZEIN
                                                                              23.10.2012.

Sunday, 18 November 2012

MY BEING-1


I am silent after years of worry,
Finally, I accept my life circumstances, the world around me,
If I could go back and change time,
I would ask for nothing, I have my beautiful mind,
To grow as a person, to share my sorrows and woes,
In the hope of providing faith to millions of unhappy souls,
Through me, may you never feel alone and helpless,
I am holding your hand, in this sea of Humanity,
I shine like a rainbow among Depravity.
                                                                     TAZEIN
                                                                    28.10.2012.

Wednesday, 14 November 2012

PRESENT MOMENT ETERNAL QUOTE-5


Live out your dreams whatever they might be!! Do not wait- life is too short- you do not want to die with regret in your heart that you did not live your unfulfilled dreams!
                                                                            TAZEIN
                                                                              15.11.2012.

MY LOVE TO HUMANITY!


I may not know you personally, but if you feel unloved, let me reassure you right now that I love you, unconditionally!! You are beautiful , you are amazing!! God bless you!
                                                                     TAZEIN
                                                                     15.11.2012.

PRESENT MOMENT-ETERNAL QUOTE-4


You are unique, you are you, your life has a purpose, that is why you exist- ignore people who tell you otherwise!!Never give up on yourself, come what may!! You are a shining light, The World is waiting for you, step up on the stage of life and shine like a true star!You already are a winner, just reflect in your heart!! 
                                                                                                                                 TAZEIN
                                                                                                                                  15.11.2012.
                                                                   
                                        

Tuesday, 13 November 2012

PRESENT MOMENT ETERNAL QUOTE!-3

My heart is so full of pain, yet it never overflows, the pain keeps on coming and my heart keeps on absorbing this pain, how long will I last, will my heart overflow when my emotions hit a high tide?
                                                                                                 Tazein
                                                                                              14.11.2012.

Monday, 12 November 2012

GERARD BUTLER TURNS 43 TODAY- MY DREAM POEM DEDICATED TO HIM!

GERARD BUTLER TURNS 43 TODAY!! MY ULTIMATE FANTASY, THIS IS FOR YOU, DEAR GERRY!
There I was, standing in the rain, surrounded by millions,
The moment I saw you, I had to get through,managed to talk to you,
Before you left, you gave me  a huge smile I was abashed and felt really shy!
All night I waited in the rain, wanting to catch a glimpse of you,
When, suddenly you arrived and picked me out , as the one you remembered saying good bye,
So much left to say, you and me together in the starry night,
Surrounded by the peaceful ocean, embraced by the warmth inside!
We run like children in the vast, overflowing fields,
Laughing with our hearts, our inner dreams!
Being together everywhere, standing at each other's side,
Just to see your eyes, your soul, nothing to hide!
Walking gingerly towards the awkward steps of Love,
Sometimes, I confuse Reality and Dreams, why did I get more than I deserve? 
                                                                  Tazein
                                                                  13.11.2012.
 P.S.I turn 43 on 22.2.2013! Just 3 months behind Gerard Butler. Wishing him many happy returns of the day! God bless him!

MY ETERNAL TRUTH!

DEAR BELOVED FRIENDS!!!
I am blessed to have you by my side, I must have done something good in my life that I got so much love and respect in return!! I wanted to share one thing with you all: Yesterday I was very upset, the truth is that Saad has suffered too, coping with a BPD person is not easy at all, I committed a very grave sin as a married woman, I am admitting it to you now, I feel scared that I will lose your love, but Saad challenged me, said have I written about it, I said no, so he said tell it to your friends, they will spit on your face- you can choose to uncircle me, I respect you, always will!! I am not that bad person any more, I have sincerely repented to God, I will never do any immoral thing in my life from now onwards- I can not deceive God- never!! There are 3 chapters of my life which I will share with you all, it will be brutally honest, but I am no coward! I forgive Saad, because I do not want him to suffer on my account on The Day Of Judgement- this goes for every one who has hurt me-I forgive every one from the bottom of my heart! God bless you all, very amazing and beautiful people, your spirit shines through!! I am very proud to know you all!! God bless you all!!
                                                                        Tazein
                                                                      13.11.2012.

Saturday, 10 November 2012

ABUSED WOMEN

DEAR READERS FROM ACROSS THE GLOBE!
A very good day to you, today I am sharing a heart breaking experience with you. One of my friends disclosed the physical abuse she suffered, it was shocking, much worser than mine, she is a very strong person, she has found God, I broke down when I read her story, so I have composed a poem about her and all the women in the world who have or are suffering physical abuse. My poem:
                         ABUSED WOMEN
You were broken, you were raped,
Unimaginable experiences, your hope breaks,
Stand tall, take Power in your hands,
You are brave and courageous,
Face your aggressor , he is outrageous!
Time heals the pain, your being is not a mistake!
You are meant to be loved,
Continue on the road to recovery, take no breaks.
You are vulnerable, you deserve respect,
You are human, your body and spirit sacred!
Live your dream, move on, forgive the One who did you wrong,
You will finally be at peace with yourself,
Love life completely, without regrets,
You are not alone, I too, was a victim,
Let us end this vicious cycle which is beyond description.
                                                                                      Tazein
                                                                                     11.11.2012.

Tuesday, 6 November 2012

SUFFERING SOULS

I feel people who have really suffered are God's favorites.When God loves someone the most, He tests them through trials and tribulations.Pain is transitory, for God will always reward you for what you have endured! When God closes a door, He always opens a window, we really have to see this window, God is the Most Loving, the Most Merciful Our path in life is full of hurdles and impossibilities but filled with Infinite Possibilities! When we eventually recover from a bad phase, one miracle happens! We will be a changed person, we will identify with the suffering of fellow human beings, something inside us will change for the better!We will feel the pain of others- an indisputable fact! Embrace your sorrows, you are not alone, all of us have pain in our lives, have Faith that God will come for you, at His Chosen Time- you have to pray and wait, your patience will be rewarded by God!
                                                                                      Tazein
                                                                                      7.11.2012

Monday, 5 November 2012

FREEDOM

I yearn for freedom, I wish I could fly,
Travel through the Universe, unfettered, unchained across the sky.
Touching new Horizons,exploring amazing possibilities,
I know I have it in me, I have faith in my ability!!
Soaring like a kite, gliding like an eagle, reaching Higher and Higher,
Dimensions blur, reality fades away, 
I remain aloft, inspired by many and praised!!
                                                                     Tazein
                                                                       22.10.2012.

Monday, 29 October 2012

PIERCED HEART

Shards of glass splinter my heart,
Battered down by the ravages of time,
Too many cracked veneers, countless bruises,
Every scar is still visible, yet faded,
I tried to mend my heart with a needle and thread,
An awful process, so now I just accept the scattered ruins of my emotions,
Hoping love will spread!
                                                 Tazein
                                                  17.10.2012.

Sunday, 28 October 2012

MY LIFE IN WORDS-PART-1

Looking back at my life,
I remember the moments that made me cry,
I stumbled across darkness in my mind,
No way out did I find,
Foot prints in the Sands of Time,
Pools of water in ditches, my crimes,
A life time of tears, overflow with the tide,
I have my own ocean,
Where I wade through, sifting through my broken Pride.
                                                   

Tuesday, 23 October 2012

MY STORY-1

                                          Today, I am not scared to admit that I am very sad and tearful since 2 days- I simply can not put up with verbal abuse from my husband, I am losing my mind-how much will God test my patience? I have composed my latest poem about it:
              MY STORY-1
Looking back at my life,
I remember the moments that made me cry,
I stumbled across darkness in my mind,
No way out, did I find,
Footprints in the sands of time,
Pools of water in ditches, my crime,
A life time of tears, overflow with the tide,
I have my own ocean, where I wade through,
Sifting through my broken pride.
                                                                  Tazein
                                                                    23.10.2012.

Wednesday, 17 October 2012

CHRONICLES OF A BROKEN HEART-TAZEIN'S STORY TO SHARE-PART 2



Between 2002-2006, I tried to commit suicide so many times that I have lost count! I remember 13 times , others escape my memory.One day, just like that I decided that I want to die, so I over-dosed on my medication, wrote a farewell letter to my husband, then every thing went blank, I woke up some hours later and vomited , I lived! There were numerous times I made sure that I will succeed in killing my self, there were a lot of hospitalizations ,always in the best private hospital in Singapore, my husband arranged it, but, never came to visit me, he said that I should be grateful that he was paying my hospital bills, which were very expensive, how I wished he came, if only once, I used to check my self out when my doctor felt I was fine, I always took a cab back home, pasted a smile on my face, said hello to my husband, like I had come from a shopping spree, but my heart was totally broken!! There was this one time, when I saw a girl admitted next to me, the hospital does not have a single room, so there are always 2 people in the room.This girl was really broken, her husband always visited her, she used to cry all the time, so one day, when she was alone, I went to her and told her that she was lucky that her husband came to visit her every day, mine never came,by that time I had accepted the fact that he would never come, I made this girl smile!!My last suicide attempt was in 2006-I overdosed as usual but the minute I managed to swallow 20 pills, I still had 50 more pills to go!! I suddenly stopped, decided enough was enough, I was tired of trying to kill my self, I finally accepted this fact that I would never die at my own hands-it was useless to try ! I figured it out that God wanted me to live, I did not know why He kept on giving me life? There was no purpose in my life then. I immediately went to the hospital and they managed to stabilize me, the procedure was painful beyond words!!From that day on wards, I have stopped trying to kill my self. I have learnt that I was not an accident by God, he created me for a reason, so my later years were spent in thinking:What did God want from me, I desperately searched for the meaning behind my existence, but it eluded me. Now, every thing finally makes sense:God saw one soul, mine, who tried to snuff herself out, but by living, this one soul is providing happiness and inspiration to countless souls!!! Thank you, God for believing in my worth, You have carved out an amazing Destiny for me!! I thank you from the bottom of my heart, You were always holding me when I felt lost,You knew my potential when I did not. My one wish is to really see you, hopefully when the day I die, You are alive in my soul, today and for the rest of my life!!! I am blessed by You!!

Tuesday, 16 October 2012

CHRONICLES OF A BROKEN HEART-TAZEIN'S STORY TO SHARE.


I will be sharing the turning chapters in my life, they have made me the person I am today:A heart full of wisdom and, yes, sadness too,at what lengths I went to to gain my husband's love.
I was always a  very romantic person. My husband wanted to marry me since I was 23 years old.It took him 1 year to persuade me to agree to his proposal.I was completing my degree and wanted to concentrate on my studies.In my final year,we got married, because I had started to love the person he was, whereas he admits, till today, that he was deceived by my looks!! What a shallow reason to marry someone based on their looks!!Well, the fact is that people have been checking me out my entire life, even today I  get looks and asked numerous questions regarding my "looks"! I do not let it affect me whatsoever!Looks are granted by God, by inner beauty is more powerful than the outer one!! I was beautiful from the inside too, but it took me a long time to find my soul as my true beauty-the real one!!
                                                                                         Tazein
                                                                                         17.10.2012. 

Friday, 12 October 2012

DEDICATED TO THE COURAGEOUS SCHOOL GIRL- MALALA YOUSUFZAI

Hold your head  high, dear Malala,
You provide hope to young girls,precious child,
Your voice echoes around the world!
Your story is already visible to millions,your ideas and views cherished by many,
You are a winner, a courageous and bold person,
You follow your heart, remain true to yourself, the greatest gift of being!
Do not let  a minority bring you down,
You can not change their thinking, they mean you harm.
Keep up the good work,my prayers follow you,
Even if you die, humanity will cry,but, you will for ever in our hearts live on.
                                                                             Tazein
                                                                                12.10.2012.

Monday, 8 October 2012

DEDICATED TO ALL VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC ABUSE- WORLD WIDE.

I got married at the age of 24, 18 years back. My husband was very loving and affectionate at first, I thought my self really lucky that I had his heart-I never had self-esteem my entire life, so I focused all my wants and needs on him. Some 7 years after my marriage, I suffered a mental break-down,initially brought upon by post- natal-depression. One night, I ended up arguing with my husband over something trivial about where exactly to place my new- born son: in the cot or on the bed- would you believe it!!when, suddenly, he pushed me so hard, I fell on the floor, he kept on hitting me, I kept on screaming, while, my then 5 year old daughter became a witness of this episode- till now, she remembers "the first time Papa hit you" vividly.It breaks my heart that she and my son have witnessed countless scenes of abuse between me and my husband! After that first incidence,he took to abusing me regularly;I have been punched, slapped, got beaten with poles, kicked-I can't go on any more to describe the violence- one day, something in me snapped and I started hitting him back. Of course, the beatings got terrible from then on wards,but I had learnt a new strategy, to ignore him totally, when ever he shouted at me, I immediately left the room, I started humming my favorite song when ever he tried to argue with me. This strategy worked- here I am,safe, but of course, I have to keep up my patience, one thing is for certain;I will leave him the minute he hits me-.As you are aware,I have mentioned in my older post that I am a Survivor of Border-Line Personality Disorder, my husband has stated that he will use this illness to make sure that I never get custody of my 3 young children, I checked with a lawyer, he said it was possible that the court would grant him custody of our kids, my husband is a wealthy and powerful man, so I chose to keep quiet about our troubled marriage. Ever since I started blogging, my faith in God has increased tremendously, I have gained immense courage, so now, I do not care whether I stay married or not, for I may be rendered poor and homeless, but I will and do have, the power to share my words with the world, this fight is in the end, worth every thing, the love and respect which I have gained from you all is more than any thing I had ever wished for. God works in mysterious ways:I yearned for one person to respect me:he abused me at every turn, now I have the respect of :you all beautiful human beings!! God bless you all, you are the shining light in my life!!

Saturday, 6 October 2012

PRESENT MOMENT-ETERNAL HOPE!!-QUOTES-1-

Wake up, but do not end your dream,
Let it follow you, let it remain your friend!!
                                                                   Tazein
                                                                  6.10.2012.

Wednesday, 3 October 2012

PAST MEMORIES-1

This is my life, this is my truth,
I live in an atmosphere of hatred, love gone blind,
Each day I awaken, to merely listen to more belittling words,
Yet,still I try to remain quiet, though I want to run away and hide,
Is this my Fate?My  children snatched away from me at their tender age?
I am a Mother, will always remain,
Even if my children ever forget me,
I will be a whisper away,
Since God has granted me this Fate,
Who am I to question, why was I saddled with this mate?
I wish he could glimpse the inner me,
Try to respect, if not love me,
To be treated with dignity is my greatest quest,
This is my life's ultimate mission, my true test.
                                                                         Tazein
                                                                       6.8.2012.

Saturday, 29 September 2012

FOR DREAMERS-WORLDWIDE!

DEAR RESPECTED READERS-PEOPLE WHO DREAM,I AM A PROUD DREAMER!!-I IDENTIFY WITH YOU ALL!
I have always been a dreamer, but now, I am achieving as well as dreaming!! You all know my dreams- my heart!! I am blessed by your support- never be scared to dream big, every thing in life is attainable, your dreams matter to you, do not listen to people who say otherwise, respectfully disagree, every one is entitled to their opinions!! God loves you every step of the way,increase  your faith, go forth, have no worries! My life mantra:
"INNOCENCE ROBBED IS WISDOM GAINED!"
I have learnt numerous lessons in my life, I love positive people,they make me grow as a person, I am wise , got over several hurdles! Being a public figure in a small way is never easy, lots of views make me sad, but I have deliberately chosen this path, I am very content! God bless you, may your dreams become reality in your beautiful life!