Between 2002-2006, I tried to commit suicide so many times that I have lost count! I remember 13 times , others escape my memory.One day, just like that I decided that I want to die, so I over-dosed on my medication, wrote a farewell letter to my husband, then every thing went blank, I woke up some hours later and vomited , I lived! There were numerous times I made sure that I will succeed in killing my self, there were a lot of hospitalizations ,always in the best private hospital in Singapore, my husband arranged it, but, never came to visit me, he said that I should be grateful that he was paying my hospital bills, which were very expensive, how I wished he came, if only once, I used to check my self out when my doctor felt I was fine, I always took a cab back home, pasted a smile on my face, said hello to my husband, like I had come from a shopping spree, but my heart was totally broken!! There was this one time, when I saw a girl admitted next to me, the hospital does not have a single room, so there are always 2 people in the room.This girl was really broken, her husband always visited her, she used to cry all the time, so one day, when she was alone, I went to her and told her that she was lucky that her husband came to visit her every day, mine never came,by that time I had accepted the fact that he would never come, I made this girl smile!!My last suicide attempt was in 2006-I overdosed as usual but the minute I managed to swallow 20 pills, I still had 50 more pills to go!! I suddenly stopped, decided enough was enough, I was tired of trying to kill my self, I finally accepted this fact that I would never die at my own hands-it was useless to try ! I figured it out that God wanted me to live, I did not know why He kept on giving me life? There was no purpose in my life then. I immediately went to the hospital and they managed to stabilize me, the procedure was painful beyond words!!From that day on wards, I have stopped trying to kill my self. I have learnt that I was not an accident by God, he created me for a reason, so my later years were spent in thinking:What did God want from me, I desperately searched for the meaning behind my existence, but it eluded me. Now, every thing finally makes sense:God saw one soul, mine, who tried to snuff herself out, but by living, this one soul is providing happiness and inspiration to countless souls!!! Thank you, God for believing in my worth, You have carved out an amazing Destiny for me!! I thank you from the bottom of my heart, You were always holding me when I felt lost,You knew my potential when I did not. My one wish is to really see you, hopefully when the day I die, You are alive in my soul, today and for the rest of my life!!! I am blessed by You!!