My fate is to lose in love every time. I am so confused that why it happens to me, so I asked my doctor about it. She said that there is no answer really, I just have to concentrate on my goals- to be a published author and keep on inspiring people. I sometimes feel that in inspiring others, I have lost a part of my self- especially my heart! People say, and I know that I am attractive, but my life has been in the hands of God- there is a strong sense of Destiny involved. God maybe does not want to me to find my true love? I am destined to be alone forever, yet, as a woman, I do need validation, someone to say he loves me, too many men have said it, but I simply can't fall for them, because I do not feel any thing for them! How can any one force oneself to fall in love? It is impossible. So, I had closed my heart forever, but 1 man managed to break my defenses. He is too busy for me, so I am intelligent enough not to pester him, I just let him be. I practice detachment from him, it requires great will power on my part, but I am succeeding. I find it very sad that I have lost him- no one is too busy if you love someone, you will always find time for them- it's a matter of priorities. My heart is numb. I am tired of feeling pain, sick of crying, of the memories. I am sure though, that whatever God does is for the best, it is a blessing in disguise! I am just bearing whatever God is sending my way! When I think of the future, I feel scared, I do not want a long life, I don't want to live to a ripe old age! I feel like I am 100 years old already! The future seems hopeless, too vast, my strength is waning, but I have never complained to God and never will! I just wish that He comes for me and hold me in His arms! Now the tears are coming, I can't write any more! God bless you all with love and happiness! Amen!