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Sunday, 25 August 2013


I am very confused regarding the topic of committing suicide.I myself am a survivor of suicide, God knows how many times I tried to take my own life-yet, I always survived. Finally, it sank in my brain that God did not want me to die, He had a purpose for my life. At that time, I did not know why I was being saved time and time again. I was angry that God kept on punishing me with life. It seemed even death deserted me! I stopped trying to kill myself years back and promised myself that no matter how hard my life became, I would never attempt to kill myself. Now, I know why God kept me alive for so long- He wanted me to inspire people with broken hearts- through my thoughts and writings- my story has a name- I exist, I feel happiest when a stranger says that I provided him with hope and strength. Many people comment on my other sites too, their comments break me down, I am awed that a few words of mine can lift someone's spirit.
Recently, my 16year old daughter's friend committed suicide. Though I had never met her, she was Sumi's class mate, sat next to her. Sumi is in shock- she is not like me, she keeps herself closed up, never shares her feelings. She totally broke down, her school went to the girl's house, saw her body.Everyone is saying that she would not go to Heaven, even Sumi. I am very confused: Religion says that people who commit suicide are sinners. I, as a human being, know myself, that nobody wants to die, except when they lose hope, feel extremely lonely and depressed- they have no hope in their lives- nothing to cling on to, so, some people succeed, others fail. I do not advocate suicide at all.This life is a gift from God- so we have to distract ourselves when the need to self- harm arises, we all have a mission on Earth- we have to find it- it could take years. God knows our potential, we get to know only after a while. I prayed for that child, I begged God to forgive her. I as a human being can and do understand the people who passed away at their own hands. I asked God to help me understand why they go to Hell? I am no one to question God, but I need an answer, I can't find one- yet.

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